Life in La-La Land…or, Let There Be Light

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So she became Secretary of State instead

So she became Secretary of State instead

Well, life here in la-la land has become increasingly painful. Apparently I have overstayed my welcome! This light dawns upon an interesting compilation of events, not the least of which is Hillary Clinton’s testimony this morning in the Senate.

Wow! This woman is smart AND present. IF Hillary ever spent any time at all in la-la land, it obviously didn’t hold her interest. Yes, she stayed with an ass of a husband. But I maintain that she always knew his weaknesses, yet consciously decided that their marriage served her life goals better than any other position could have.

this woman cares

Illustrating the opposite stance, I scrambled to dig myself a new head hole whenever I was being pulled out into the light of day. Just over a year ago now, I divorced my neglectful husband…but not before giving it seventeen years of thoughtful consideration. I quickly immersed myself in yet another highly dysfunctional relationship with a man who lives almost a thousand miles away. We hashed out our petty defenses via email and phone until I’d had enough of trying to prove my worth there.

word

Daily I continue to live with and support my father, who still treats me like an adolescent and berates me for not following his sage example. But my brother lives here in my home, too, also free of charge! He came to stay for a few months after his home was foreclosed upon four YEARS ago. He contributes nothing at all financially. So my father and I argue over who will pay the utilities. Actually, we don’t argue. He agrees to split them, and then he doesn’t pay his share and I catch them when they become overdue.¬† And yes, I make the house payment. And yes, his income is three times mine…I could go on…

It just sounds like I’m trying to prove my stupidity. In truth, I have given my husband, brother, father and boyfriend numerous opportunities as well as ultimatums. I have set deadlines that have come and gone. Blahblahblah…guess whose problem it is?! That’s right -only mine!

When MIGHT I wake up???!!! Being entirely fed up and facing my last resort option of moving my dying father into assisted living and taking legal action to evict my brother, I picked up a book my friend Jane lent me last week: Love First. It is about how to do an intervention with an alcoholic or drug addict. While I am not dealing directly with substance abuse here, it was nevertheless very enlightening. There is a little checklist for the reader, a quiz so to speak, to assess the level of your co-dependent behaviors. Well, I’m not just an enabler, I am a “desperate enabler”…

Desperate, indeed…I think it may be time for me to TRULY re-invent myself, from the inside out. It is time, once and for all, to be the leading lady in my own life…so long la-la land…

;)

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