Life in a human body is pretty terrifying much of the time, isn’t it?! I woke at four a.m. this morning in a state of terror, as I often do. I am talking physiological adrenaline rushing hot nauseous get to the toilet my life is being threatened terror. Not panic – this is not your run of the mill anxiety attack. Xanax won’t help this.
Is my life being threatened? Only by stress. I will spare you the tedious list of accumulated problems, but in fact, I am not in any immediate danger. I do not have any life threatening disease. I am not going hungry. The wolves at the door are virtual…my brain and body, however, are taking the information fed them daily from the onslaught of difficulties, and creating an emotional swamp of harmful interpretations…
Pardon me, but fuck this shit.
At this rate the miss-interpretations themselves might kill me. At four in the morning there isn’t anyone to call…and so, I do the only thing I can do: I turn on the light, sometimes several – and chase the demons by reading from The Course in Miracles. I know some people can get solace from reading the Bible. It doesn’t work for me. This does. Something in these pages seeps in through the heart pounding terror and the tears blurring the pages and slows the effects…even though, most of the time, I don’t understand a thing it is talking about.
The itchy hotness becomes a comforting warmth…my heart rate steadies…I begin to notice clues in my immediate environment that would indicate danger is abated – like my dogs are snoring. And slowly my body begins to relax, and then finally I am in the world…but not of it. Love wins.
This is freedom. The goal, of course, is to live in this state, whether danger is real or imagined…whether pain is physical or psychological, whether the words make sense or nothing does. It takes practice…and it’s the only game in town. This is the science of magic! Sometimes, I even get my sense of humor back…daylight come and we wanna go home…
Pete Seeger has died. My Mother was a big Pete Seeger fan…as a teenager, listening outside her closed bedroom door to her morning guitar practice, I heard a timid rendition of Worried Man over and over and over. I thought she was unbearably weird. Had the word NERD but been invented, it could have explained my tortured existence. Trust me when I say that folk music was not cool then.
Little did I know her qualifications to sing the blues, something she kept well hidden from her darling children. As Pete says here, this song is the whole human race. She understood..”a little bitty hand was waving after me.”
But now in my backward wisdom, I believe the old band is getting back together…Mom was nothing if not determined and persistent in her practice, and it’s paying off…listen…hear them?
This guy is brilliant, and explains my God. As an energy force, here, now. He explains how God is WITH us, FOR us, and AHEAD of us…in a way we can relate to in everyday life. He explains how science explains God. This is FASCINATING, well worth the time investment. I skipped the music and began watching at 14:37.
Do yourself a favor…because this WILL change your life.
But before we get to the interior design stuff…yes, I know I’ve been promising…I’ll make good…but meanwhile – have you noticed something? Is it just me, or does it seem like life has suddenly gotten very real here on earth? There is Pope Francis, who even those of us not Catholic – or even religious – can actually relate to…like he’s a real down to-earth-in-touch-with-what’s-going-on-out-here person…
And then, there’s Commander Chris Hadfield singing to us:
Check out his video series, and his book, An Astronaut’s Guide to Life on Earth…We might be getting the hang of this! And maybe just in the nick of time…our hearts are opening…and we are waking up to the beauty all around and within each one of us.
Happy. New. Year. Yes, Thank you…don’t mind if I do….
One year ago I started this blog. I thought it would be a blog about interior design…I just didn’t realize it would be about MY interior – literally. I was in crisis – physically, mentally, and certainly emotionally. I don’t care to review that…I am more than ready to move on. But this has served to help in my healing process in more ways than I could have imagined then. And now – now I am so looking forward to this new year, to see what it holds, to experience the changes that have only just begun to manifest…Thank you for joining me.