Thank You Amanda Palmer; I love your sweet revolutionary heart…

And I couldn’t have said it better myself! This woman shaves off her eyebrows every morning and draws on new ones…she is never the same face two days in a row…she knows how to be new here!

Dedicated to an inspiring friend, Diane Hanselman

Yesterday I thought -again- about starting a new blog, because this one is clearly NOT going to be about interior design…at least not right now. Right now I am in the throes of healing, mentally and emotionally, as well as physically. Right now I am learning to walk again, metaphorically. Right now I am a child again, emotionally.

When I mentioned changing the name of my blog to something more along the lines of the content, my good friend Nadine said, “Maybe you could just do what is easy right now.” Wow! That’s a radical concept…and a recurring theme as I attend The Artist’s Way class I entered into seven weeks ago now. A recurring theme as I spend sleepless nights in pain, unable to get comfortable enough to sleep more than a few minutes at a time.

Maybe I could learn to be a little easier on myself…maybe I can stop making everything so darn hard all the time. In the middle of the night, awake on my back because my hips hurt too much to lay on either side, the voice that often whispers in my sleep said, “How can NOT SICK serve you better?”

Interestingly, this little voice always speaks in funny ways…It didn’t say “How can wellness serve you better?” That would have meant the same thing, but “the voice” doesn’t work that way- it says things in such a weird way as to get my attention…so that I have to think about it.

And so, I began to write my Morning Pages (a daily task in The Artist’s Way), determined to write until the pain and anxiety passed, which it did around 1535 words later! This stuff works. It’s that simple.

And here I write completely pain free and in the moment- in a state of complete peace, relaxation and so very in love with my life…and, no – I haven’t had any drugs!

From the state I sit in here, now, it is obvious that, as Lao Tze said, Easy is right, and Right is easy.

So maybe I’m crazy…but I’m goin’ with easy today. I’m going to be easy with myself, with my precious life. It’s no coincidence I’ve come and I can die when I’m done…Thank You for the reminder, Cee-Lo:

It woke me from a dead sleep…the screech of the wheels as the car came around the corner, headed straight for me…we lived on a curve, at the bottom of a hill, and it wasn’t unusual for cars to come too fast…I sat bolt up just in time for the red sedan to slow onto the lawn. The song was BLARING out the windows.

“How wonderful life is while you’re in the world…” was all I heard.

And having been shaken awake now the dream came back. My Mother was whispering in my ear…she was here, she still exists, she still loves me…Don’t go Mom…don’t leave me here alone…I don’t want to live in a world without you…

Months of grief had left me exhausted. I visited her in heaven, and I new it was real because it was vast beyond anything my conscious mind could possibly imagine. She had a desk there(!), and looked at me with immense patience while reminding me I couldn’t stay.

Was it a coincidence that the speeding car…a small red sedan just like the one she drove, came around the corner at that very second blaring that song?  Or could it have been a well orchestrated plan?

You believe as you will, I will keep what I know. Yesterday I watched an interview with Pat Monahan telling about being incapacitated by grief after losing his mother, also to cancer. He couldn’t write, couldn’t perform, the band’s careers in limbo…and then she came to him, in the dream…”I’m still here. I still exist…live your life, I am watching…”

He woke with the melody and wrote down the words. He gave us this: