Category Archives: clairvoyance

Apr5

you can have it all

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It’s seven-thirty in the morning as I write this. In the nightmare I just woke from, the bear was looking in the back door at me longingly. I had locked it out, along with my sweet beloved little Corgi, Hariat. I was so angry. Who does this bear think it is, befriending my dog?! Getting her to do it’s bidding to get close to me?! That is not going to work with me.

At three a.m. this morning I had a dream in which I had let Hariat in and the bear had come out of nowhere and snuck in behind her. They both ran straight to my bed, curled around each other and went sound to sleep – the sleep of innocent children in the safety of their mother’s womb.

So hours later, in the 2nd dream, I was wise to this bear. I’m getting to know him well. I say him because I know who this is now. I know who the black bear – who is actually hanging around outdoors – is a metaphor for. And I know what it represents, what it is trying to communicate, and what needs to be healed. I now know exactly what is going on. I am living inside an adult fairy tale.

I am writing this early on the morning of Easter Sunday, 2026. It is Resurrection Day. If you are reading this, know that we are living in a new reality. We have been reborn, just this morning, into a renewed consciousness. Healed. Sing with me: Hallefuckinglujah!

Excuse the pun, but bear with me, and I will tell you a true story. This is the first draft of a fairy tale you can live inside of, as a conscious adult. It has been 72 years in the making. So far.

Four days ago I received a phone call that my former husband was dying, suddenly and unexpectedly. He had taken a nasty fall at his daughter’s house and was rushed to the hospital via ambulance. He had cut his face and tongue open and required stitches. They missed the brain bleed. By the time I had arrived he was only slightly conscious and unable to speak, although he certainly tried. He was desperate to tell me something. He kept gesturing with his hands for me to bring him pen and paper, but he wasn’t able to use them. I knew what he was trying to say. My heart was broken, too. I stayed that night, grateful to sit holding his hand as he slipped further into unconsciousness, allowing his daughters to go home for a few hours of much needed rest. They had come back and I had just left when he took his last breath.

This past week I had posted here about my deceased cat telling me not to do anything before March 30th. It sounded crazy, I know. That’s the day before Richard fell. So it has been five months of knowing that my life was going to change. Has changed now. And like a long string of dominos falling over in succession, it is as though my entire life makes perfect sense now. And a new awareness, a new reality, begins today. Ready or not.

Here is what little I can tell you this morning as I wake from the visiting bear: there is one thing and one thing only between you and a life of abundance and joy: your codependency. In the spiritual realm that forms all physical reality on earth, codependency represents the line between heaven and hell. It is the gatekeeper. With it intact, in working form within your psychology and physiology, you shall not pass. Life will present one helluva challenge after another on the slow painful descent toward oblivion. It must be healed.

And there is one way, and only one way, for healing to occur: forgiveness. Complete, utter – on your hands and knees – forgiveness.

Codependency takes on many forms. It is the master shape-shifter, after all. It’s most recognizable form is addiction. We all have them. Chemical addiction, alcohol and drug abuse, being the most obvious. But we are a culture of addicts. Food, sugar, tobacco, television…self-righteousness, hate, bigotry. We are addicted to being right. Better than. Smarter. Power is a slippery, evil mistress. She hides in the shadows where you dare not look. She hides in the folds of your belly. She hides in your complacency and your mediocrity. She hides in your neediness.

The bear trying to get in is my former husband, the manipulative, narcissistic, completely-self-absorbed-irresponsible-addict-ass-hole-love-of-my-life. He thinks I know something, have something for him. He is clawing for my attention and devotion. He is right that I have something he needs…if only it were mine to give.

He has been my greatest gift. Along with my family, my child, and the bear he sent…all bringing me a wake up call. Come out of your slumber, Susan. Life as you previously knew it is over. Forgive them all. Forgive everything you thought you knew. Forgive even what you think you know about sanity. Forgive the world. Or you shall not pass.

Here is what else I can tell you this morning: the world as we previously knew it is over. In this new reality only beauty holds power. Beauty in all it’s forms: kindness, intuition, nature. Something I learned about intuition this winter is that it is simply pattern recognition. My neurodivergent self calls it intuition; my genius knows it as pattern recognition. I see it everywhere, in everything. Dominos lining up.

Today I am reborn. I will no longer doubt myself. I shall converse openly with deceased cats and dogs; with my husband as bear. I will no longer coddle fear in my belly. I will not be repressed or shushed. I am not sorry. I do not care what you think of me; I forgive you for not knowing me. You can have it all – all – the control. I am not interested. I forgive you.

Oct5

if I had a hammer…

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“I’m restless. Things are calling me away. My hair is being pulled by the stars again.” – Anais Nin

If you would please be patient, I’ve been a bit manic this week. Got a bee buzzin’ in my bonnet. Change is afoot, and I’m not sure what it’s about yet…it’s a feeling, a sense. When I’m not busy painting the house and all the furniture in it, I’ve been reading and working through the exercises in The Prism, just out from Laura Day. It is changing me; it couldn’t not. And my world is beginning to shift like a glitch in the matrix. Reality is a little wobbly. I have had these experiences every so often throughout my life – enough to trust that I’m in exactly the right place at the right time. I’m safe, protected. Spirit has got my attention.

Awake in the early morning hours as usual, I was sitting up in bed reading just before dawn. A strange woman walked right through my dimly lit kitchen, clearly visible through my bedroom door. I looked straight at her, knowing she wasn’t “real,” or at least solid (I’d have heard her come in.) I must have startled her. She saw me, stopped, and backed up. Like, “oops, she can see me…” I laughed out loud. I have no idea who she was or why she was there. Just passin’ through, I guess. She certainly got my attention.

At the moment I’m not so solid either. My body feels a bit like it’s being pulled in two directions at once. You know the feeling…vertigo comes and goes, you don’t sleep soundly. Heavy foods don’t appeal, but you need some extra protein. So pay attention to self care, be mindful of your diet; keep it clean. No sugar. And do activities that are grounding. Health is a priority right now.

The weird phenomena I’m noticing may be the position of the planets, the effect of 3I/ATLAS, or something in bloom in my garden. I don’t need to understand it. I need to use it to redirect my life, which is obviously going through an adjustment. Don’t resist the adjustment, rather make it a healing. Pay attention – pay attention to intuition. Laura Day is right about it; it is a superpower.

Have you also noticed how differently the wild animals are behaving lately? They are trying to communicate with us. They’re asking for help. They’re also offering. The birds and squirrels are leaving me gifts outside this fall. And trying to get in. Are they offering rent?! One squirrel keeps trying to leap in the window, bouncing off the screen. I’m tempted to rent her a room. Perhaps she came to tell me that Jane Goodall has passed away. A crow came and perched two feet outside my window, looked straight in at me, and talked right at me moments after my friend and neighbor Hal died. I knew exactly what it was saying. He was their friend, too. They know when something has shifted in our world.

And I keep waking with song worms playing in my head. They’re often songs I have not heard in half a century. I’d completely forgotten them. I suddenly smell cigarettes; I’ve never smoked. I hear faint crying when no one is around. A breeze gently rustles the trees outside and my grandmother’s plate falls off the wall at that same instant. I can’t explain any of this; again, I don’t really care to. I do trust it. Let’s just summarize by saying the veil is thin. I’m not quite sure what that means either.

I’m going to look at a house for sale today. I’m in no position to move. But I noticed the little house last week AFTER having dreamt about it. No idea what that is about. But I do know enough about intuition and how it works to ACT ON IT when you get it, because you never know where it will lead.

My dear Mother used to play the guitar and sing. This was one of her favorite songs; it woke me this morning. What is she trying to tell me? What is this song about? Well, it’s time for a change. It’s about equity. Remember equity? Justice? Compassion? These are all values my Mother taught me. They are certainly being pressed into use these days. At any rate, she’s singing to me. She’s reminding me that I have a hammer, I have a bell, and I have a song to sing. I DO clearly know what that means. It means I am a powerful, creative being. I have agency. Everything I think and everything I do effects my life and the world around me.

Remember, you heard it here first: Ultimately, it will be the artists who save us. It always has been. It always will be.